Relationships
We Were In The Act And The Pain Was Too Much, I Told Him To Stop, But He Couldn’t Until
I had a call from Steve. Steve had been pursuing me for months but I was not paying him any attention. I’d gone out with him on different occasions. It was one of those moments he proposed to me. I said, “No, I can’t date you.” He answered, “I will understand if you tell me you don’t know me that much so you’ll need some time to study me.
That’s fine but saying you can’t date me means you’ve thrown out all the possibilities of falling in love with me and that hurts.” I apologized. I said, “I can ask for time but it won’t change anything so the best thing I can tell you is the truth. Please understand me. You’re an amazing person by all standards. I like it that you care enough for me to be here with me but I can’t say yes to your proposal.”
I was coming out of a relationship that nearly killed me. I closed my heart to anything love and it’s the reason I didn’t even ask for time to think about it. He kept coming. He kept calling and asking me to judge him by the content of his character instead of judging him by his gender. I didn’t listen to him. My mind was made up. I wasn’t going to date anyone after what I’d been through.
The day before the lockdown when he called, he said, “Annie, the world is coming to an end and you still won’t give me the opportunity to love who I love? What if tomorrow we all die? What will we tell God if he asks us what we did with the love he placed in our hearts?” Somehow I was touched. I asked him, “So what do you want me to do?” He answered, “You know what I want from you. Just say yes to my proposal. That’s all I want from you.” I answered, “I will think about it again.”
I spent the lockdown with my friend Alice. She had been a friend for a very long time and she knew everything concerning my love life. She was the one I discussed the issue with; “So this guy Steve had been pursuing me since I broke up with Fiifi. The way love has treated me in the past, I don’t want to give my heart to any man again. The next breakup will finish me. It’s better I reserve what’s left of me.” She asked me, “That means you won’t get married? Remember there are stages.
You can’t jump and land in marriage. You have to fall for someone else before marriage can happen.” I gave her more details about Steve and in the end, she said, “He’s a good guy. Give him a chance. Today’s men don’t pursue a woman for this long. You say no, they move on to the next girl but he had been around. Please be fair and say yes to him.”
The next evening when Steve called, I said yes to him. He went crazy on the phone, screaming and jumping around. “This is the best news I’ve heard since this pandemic happened. Can you imagine? People are in the hospitals fighting for their lives but I’m here falling in love. How lucky can I be? Who am I that the universe will favor me this way?”
We couldn’t meet immediately. He works at the hospital and he was always busy because of the pandemic. We made several attempts to meet during the lockdown but we couldn’t. He always had something to do. When the lockdown was increased by another week, he called and said, “I will come to your place and take you home. Tell your friend you’re not coming back until the lockdown is lifted.” I told Alice about it. She gave me her blessings so the next day, I left with him to his house. He lives in one of the posh suburbs in Accra. A house that looked too big for him alone to live there. I asked him, “And you live here all by yourself?” He answered, “Yeah, days ago I was living here all by myself until you came along to change everything.”
When he left for work, I stayed behind and made meals. I kept the house very neat so he could return home to see a difference. He always complimented me on my good job. At some point, he said, “Why don’t you bring all your things here and come and live with me? It’s big enough for the two of us.” I answered, “If that’s what you want, then please marry me. If you marry me tomorrow, I will come live with you tomorrow.” He answered, “That’s not a problem at all. After all, that’s the point of this relationship.”
Not too long afterward, I took him home to meet my parents. He clicked instantly with my mom and they could talk about everything, just the two of them. One day my dad asked when he would come around with a drink to initiate marriage. He responded, “Very soon, dad. It won’t be long at all.” Because of that relationship he developed with my parents, he could come to my house, spend the night there and even do things you won’t expect a boyfriend to do in his would-be in-laws’ house. We were just cool and had a relationship that flowed seamlessly like the brook.
Somewhere in 2021, he sent me a message, “Come home. There’s something we need to discuss. I rushed home to him, ready and anxious about what he had to say. He said, “Promise me you won’t get angry if I tell you what I want to tell you.” I promised him. He said, “You’re just saying it but I know you’ll be angry once I tell you.” I told him, “You can only know when you tell me.” He said, “It’s ok. Maybe not today.” I pushed him to tell me. I even nagged all day trying to coerce him to say what was on his mind but he said, “Forget it. Maybe very soon but not today.”
Later in the night when he realized I was getting angry he said, “Oh it’s about what I did to you three days ago. I’m feeling guilty and thinking you didn’t like it.”
Three days prior, we were doing shuperu when he accidentally passed through the back gate. The pain was too much so I screamed and cried for him to stop. He didn’t stop until he got his release. I was angry, yes. I even told him we’ll never do shuperu again until marriage but at that moment, I felt like that wasn’t the reason he said he wanted to tell me something. I pushed and pushed but he wouldn’t tell me so I let him be.
Then he started hiding from me. He wouldn’t pick up my calls, He would rather send me a message later to tell me he was attending to a patient. He gave me one of his home keys but one day I looked inside my bag and it wasn’t in there. I asked him if he took it but he said no. I asked for a new key but he never gave it to me. When I called to tell him I was going to visit him, he gave me reasons why I couldn’t come around. One month later, the excuses were getting too many so I went to the hospital where he was working and stood next to his car until he closed from work and came to see me there. I told him, “I don’t know what is happening. You’re taking me home tonight. You’ll tell me everything tonight. I don’t like the way you’re treating me these days.”
He said he couldn’t take me home and I asked why. He answered, “My family has come to visit. The house is full and you know I can’t just take you there like that when I haven’t introduced you properly to them. Wait until they are gone, then I will take you home again.” This hide and seek continued for over two months. I got angry and went to stand next to his car at the hospital again. I told him, “I won’t listen to whatever you’ll say. Today, we are going home together.” He said a lot of things to get me to leave but I was determined not to leave. Then he said, “OK, let me confess to you. I’m married. We have three children. My wife and kids came from abroad not too long ago. It’s the reason we can’t go home.”
His confession stung me like a scorpion’s stinger. All of a sudden I couldn’t feel my heartbeat. I said, “Steve, you’re joking right? No this can’t be true. Are you saying this just to get rid of me? No, it can’t be true.” He said softly, “I’m sorry I lied. I love you so much. I didn’t want to lose you that’s why I lied. Please forgive me.” I screamed, “Steve you’re mad. I should do what? Forgive you as if this didn’t happen? Me, forgive you so you can go ahead and enjoy your family while I bleed to death? Steve, you’re lying. You’ll regret ever crossing paths with me. Expect me tomorrow at your house. Your wife would know what you did to me. No wonder you asked me to get rid of the baby when I got pregnant. What was I thinking? I could do all this for you only for you to pay me back this way? Steve, I will destroy you.”
We were outside but he went down on his knees begging me. I walked away. By the time I got home, he was in my house waiting for me. He had told my mom to speak to me on his behalf though my mom didn’t know the full story. When I narrated everything to my mom, she broke down and cried. She said, “Steve you’ve killed me. I trusted you. I’ve never related to any of my daughter’s friends like I relate to you. I like you but why would you go to that extent? You could have told her the truth and she would still accept to be with you but why give her hope and later kill the hope this way?
That night he said he wouldn’t go home until I forgive him. I knew he was only trying to keep me around so I don’t go to his house. It was my dad who asked him to go and come the following day. When he left my dad called a meeting. He said, ‘The harm has already been done. We can’t do anything to change things. We can only move on. It hurts but we can only move on. But before that, I will make sure he compensates you handsomely. A man in his position will do anything to set himself free.” I was still crying so I didn’t have the mind to say no or yes to what my dad was saying.
The following day he came around after work. My dad told him everything and asked him how much he could compensate me. He said, “I want her to name her price. If I can, I will go by it. I’ve hurt her and I’m ready to do everything to make her happy.” I said, “GHC1,500 every month.” He asked, “Until when? I didn’t have an answer. My dad said, “looking at what she had been through it’s better you do it until maybe she gets another man who will make her forget about what you did to her.” My dad turned to me and asked, “Is that alright?” I nodded my head. We negotiated until we concluded on GHC1,200 every month.
He had been paying the amount every month since July 2021. He had never defaulted. Every once in a while, He will call and apologize. I will tell him, “The only reason I haven’t blocked your number is because of the monthly allowance. I don’t need your call. Concentrate on your family and leave me alone. But he never stopped calling. Sometimes I will pick up his calls and other times too I won’t mind him.
The problem now is, because of the arrangement I have with him, I’m not able to open up to another man. There is this guy I like. I want to say yes to his proposal. He came home one day and spent all evening with us. The next morning Steve called me, “Do you have a boyfriend now? Just tell me so I can stop paying the allowance. I wasn’t fair to you and I’m being punished. If there’s fairness in you, you will come and tell me you have someone.” I asked him, “What are you talking about?” He answered, “That guy in your house last night, who is he? He came there around 7pm and left around 11pm. What was he doing there? What was his mission if he didn’t have anything to do with you?”
I angrily cut the call. But the question on my mind was, “Who is telling him all that?” Our house is a semi compound house with two other households. It could be that he had paid someone in the house to keep an eye on me. If that’s the case, then I don’t know who else he had asked to keep eyes on me. The next day he called my dad and told him a guy spent a night with me. My dad called me, “If what he’s saying is true then we have to stop him from paying those amounts to you. I want fairness that’s why we all agreed for him to compensate you this way. If someone is in the corner, speak now, and let’s tell him to stop. He can’t do that forever.”
The problem here is that I lost my job last year. I was a pupils teacher waiting for an opening to enter the corporate world. I haven’t had that opening yet. The Covid also dried the account of the school I was teaching so I got laid off. What he sends me is what I live on so I can’t possibly ask him to stop. This guy here is also very serious about me, looking at the things he’s telling me and how he intends to go with the relationship if I say yes. I’ve been in a relationship and lost. Two times I nearly die. This guy coming can also be one of the guys who will be serious with me today and leave tomorrow. If I cancel the arrangement, and he later leaves, I’ve lost twice. I wanted to get a job before saying yes to the guy but this guy won’t listen.
“You don’t need a job before everything. A job is not everything. Some women have married while jobless. We can do this too. Just give me a chance.” So even when I haven’t asked him to come around, he’ll come. I haven’t gone to his house though. I’m scared Steve would get a hint of it and use it as a case against me. What do you think I should do? I can’t also tell this boyfriend of mine to pay me a monthly allowance like Steve is doing. He might think I’m a golddigger and leave me. Please I need your opinions.
Ifeanyi
September 2, 2023 at 12:26 am
I think it will be fair on all involved including you to allow the new guy in. Let him know of all your stories of the past, letting him know that you can’t afford to be hurt again. If after hearing your whole story, he’s still eagerly willing to go ahead, with the relationship, the go ahead. This will give you a chance to move forward and also release Steve. And God will help you going forward, you need not put your trust in what any man provides for you but in God. You’ll soar, be liberated and feel confident by so doing. Cos if your trust is in what you get from someone else, then your world would crumble if something happens to it. But if it’s in God, you won’t have a problem cos nothing would happen to God your Provider
But in all you do, please ensure you involve God my dear. Let Him guide you in all your affairs. And I wish you all the best in life.
Oluwagbemiga
September 2, 2023 at 12:50 am
My own advice is to move on with your life
Depend on God for your survival not your newly boy friend or anyone
adav Talib
September 2, 2023 at 1:16 am
😄😄😄😄
Jimoh
September 2, 2023 at 2:15 am
You have to tell the new guy to give you more time , don’t go to his house yet . Try hard to look for good job. Or you even explain your predicament to the new guy may be he would understand,and if he really liked you he will marry you like that
From Nigeria
September 2, 2023 at 2:32 am
If u are ready for the new guy go ahead and stop the allowance,but ask the new guy if he’s ready for marriage investigate him properly to avoid double lodts.no pain without gain, ability to be successful in our endeavors is failure to stand up and continue facing life when we fell…..think wisely
Tsibuhirwa ibrahim
September 2, 2023 at 2:56 am
I think Steve is the one who sent that boy to u so that he can be relieved of paying that money ,be careful & first study that boy your dating too
Victor
September 2, 2023 at 7:59 am
Wisdom, this likely possible
Annie Joe
October 4, 2023 at 8:28 pm
Great minds think alike! This was my thought too! If not Steve that sent him, then who tells him about his presence? Gal, be wise like a snake!
martin Obiero
September 2, 2023 at 8:38 am
you’re right bro,let her be careful
Benjamin
September 2, 2023 at 3:19 am
In other not to lose the new guy .it is better u let ur pay master go now tell him to stop paying u that u now have a boy friend.but so doing u will still keep a good relationship with him.because he may still be off help to u tomorrow ask for ur new lv remember to tell him the truth ask time goes on .don’t allow outsider to tell him.
Theodore Addison
September 2, 2023 at 3:26 am
Let Steve continue paying until you’re engaged with the new guy. You told him why you wouldn’t love again and he persisted. Secondary, he urged you to cause an abortion if tomorrow you don’t get pregnant again?
Nigeria
September 2, 2023 at 3:34 am
You’re prettily let him off the hooks. He had paid for he did. He was devilish and he’d paid for that. Let him go now. God is on side.
Nwoko Enyinnaya john
September 2, 2023 at 3:55 am
Dis matter plenty and Steve got what he wanted but just forgive him bcs he have learnt his lesson.
Jatau KC
September 2, 2023 at 4:02 am
My sister you better note that what goes around will surely comes around and evil that people do leaves with them. Don’t do what you don’t want other people do to you. Tell your ex the truth the earlier the better. Having job wasn’t part of the agreement. Don’t be selfish please.
Rene
September 2, 2023 at 4:06 am
Greetings my dear, please tell Steve,a guy is after you but you haven’t agree anything with the guy yet but if you do you will let him know,cuz you are not happy collecting money from him.
STEADY
September 2, 2023 at 4:17 am
It seems your ex boyfriend is the one that made the arrangement with this new guy….Its a setup
Samuel Obayuwana
September 2, 2023 at 4:19 am
Well pray before u jump into relationship. Men lies a lot. Let God direct Ur path.
Agboola Peter
September 2, 2023 at 4:22 am
Confess to your ex and move on with or without his financial support and cleve to your newly found love. It’s very unfair on your part to continue to collecthis money. However, with this your next date ensure you see it as a 50/50 chances
FATOMOYE OLU AZEEM
September 2, 2023 at 4:43 am
Fine girl that is life, it is a home of confusion, full of ups and downs. You have to discontinue with Steve allowance and concentrate on your life since he can not go on forever. Look for a responsible guy to build your tent with. God will see you through.
GREEN PHIRI
September 2, 2023 at 4:50 am
Surely is not all days are Sundays, what am trying to mean is that is that is not every man is like Steve. Therefore, the only great thing is to look to God he will give a responsible man forever.
Ainea Mbabazi Akiiki
September 2, 2023 at 5:12 am
Be honest and take risk to relieve Steve because this other guy is already sharing time with you
Oluwarotimi
September 2, 2023 at 6:41 am
Take any man to a real prophet and pray over it or u pray for yourself before getting along doing midnight prayer okay.
Mukasa Edmond
September 2, 2023 at 6:51 am
Ooo sorry sister, for Steve’s case, it was not your fault but the guy used you. These days men can hide their details and lie you. The best option is this man to take u to his family.
Request him to first take you to his family.
For Steve, he still loves you much as he used you. Steve feels offended. Forgive him
K. Lawal
September 2, 2023 at 6:53 am
You must let go just consider that the monthly allowance he’s paying you is a second job and you’ve been laid off too like the first job. Cut your expenses and manage. Give in to the new guy but don’t jump into bed with him until you’re sure he’s serious and not married.Serve God and be prayerful.
Lauvryne
September 2, 2023 at 6:54 am
Meet the new guy at his place and continue getting allowances from Steve. Pay me for advise. GHC 1000 per month.
KennyG
September 2, 2023 at 6:55 am
The agreement to pay is “until she gets another man, who will make her forget about you”. It’s not just enough to get another man but the real man to make her forget so in this circumstance of uncertainty with this current man, the pay can continue.
Anthony Limasaya Papka
September 2, 2023 at 6:57 am
The whole thing is ungodly and corruptive. The xteristics of such life is a breeding ground for demonic entanglement
Dinneya uc
September 2, 2023 at 6:59 am
Let her investigate the new guy disturbing her for a relationship. It could be he was planted by the guy who just broke her heart, going by how he gets information about her activities. I’m surprised she seems in a hurry to fall in love again. Once beaten, twice shy.
Joy Thomas
September 2, 2023 at 10:09 am
The new guy that came your way is been sent by stev so that he can be relieve frm the hook, don’t just rush into another relationship yet, watch and pray cos once bitten twice shy good luck.
Rolands
September 2, 2023 at 7:04 am
Ridiculous drama, hostage and love Triangle!If the X knows about the new man in her life, surely the new man also knows about the two! Stop this stupid game in life. Let honesty in the Love Triangle set all free.
De Oracle
September 2, 2023 at 7:14 am
I suggest you get this your new guy to pay your bride price before you let go of Steven.
Edith
September 2, 2023 at 7:14 am
This story is an eye opener to singles who are very fast to jump into the bed with Men who have not really married then legally,and already moved in to live as husband and wife. Well it’s a pity. Ladies/ Singles be careful, prayerful, and look before you leap.
Deb
September 2, 2023 at 7:24 am
Relationships can’t be based only on money though money is important. If you’re sincere you’ll explain to your new man that you don’t have a job and need one before you say yes, so you can be self sufficient. If he says a job is not obligatory, then tell him to take you to his people as his intended wife. Try know his background and intentions well. Life is a risk n God will guide you through. Also take another job asap unless he says no.
Muhammed
September 2, 2023 at 7:26 am
You could have told him until you get got a job and not boyfriend. Who knows if he had set the guy for you.
Sulley Sylvester
September 2, 2023 at 7:28 am
I think it’s a good piece of writing.
Adeshola obakemi
September 2, 2023 at 7:30 am
You have to tell him the truth about your pas if he really loves you and want to be your friend,he needs to know about your pass,do that he can know how to treat you because if he later know by himself some day he might change his heart.
Xtiangold
September 2, 2023 at 7:30 am
Steve might be the one who masterminded this current guy in other to get out of your net becareful
Waheed
September 2, 2023 at 7:31 am
I think u jus have to intimate ur new guy everything that transpired between u and Steve.
Christabel Nasike
September 2, 2023 at 7:38 am
Uuh! This your story my dear,is so scaring but what I would advise you is that don’t fall for the new guy and also cut off the other relationship with the married guy plus his compensation then ask God to give you your own husband who’s God-fearing and ready to take responsibility. Otherwise you’ll end up wasting your time with men using you and dumping you as trash.Wait upon the lord and in due time He’ll bless you with the best marriage. Psalm 37:34
Chifenalis Masheti
September 2, 2023 at 7:38 am
Please, give your love life a break. Give relationships a break. Give these men a break. Concentrate on your life, find something serious to do, find job, even if it’s not well paying, bt find s job to keep you busy.
God might be speaking to you in special way, but you dnt understand. God has His own ways of doing things. He has better plans for you, He has a very special man He’s preparing for you, thaz why all these is happening, bt for now, juz relax, dnt get into any relationship wth any man, atleast for now.
Mugisha Joel
September 2, 2023 at 7:38 am
The damages are already done so move on with that Guy God has just given u but I could just advise da rest not to have sex before marriage
Pharmacist Okwuchukwu Njike
September 2, 2023 at 7:45 am
Your situation is very pathetic. You don’t need to loose hope. You need to let the new man know about your love life so that he will not be disappointed if he hears it elsewhere. Investigate his antecedents. If you are satisfied. Insist on outright marriage rather devoid of lengthy courtship. If agrees and have it fulfilled, stop the ex from sending you the allowance. You must n’t be working before consummating marriage.
Chinenye
September 2, 2023 at 7:46 am
With or without his allowance you will survive, if he can be that wicked and cunning before,the possibility that he arranged the new guy to trick you again is there.
If it were to be me I will accept the new guy cause there’s a collaboration between the two of them.
For him to know so much.
That guy is really very wicked stay away from him. His next step might be disastrous
Akachukwu
September 2, 2023 at 7:49 am
With a sincere heart, if you truly forgive him, God will surely open another door of blessings to you and your Joy will be full again, just keep trying and don’t give up because there’s always lights at the end of the tonnel just keep moving forward.
Elder Cookegam
September 2, 2023 at 7:58 am
The mistake ur dad did was to agreeing wit him if u have anybody, it would have been as soon as u got married or wedded. But my advice here for you is instead of another occurrence do not have any shuperu wit any man that proposed to u again.Just keep them suspend on that side until they marry u let it be ur policy. Make it part of ur conditionalities, for whosoever that is not comfortable wit it should live u alone. A serious guy will adhered to it and do the needful before anything. Iam a testimony to it i speak wit experience.
Damian Nwankwo
September 2, 2023 at 8:44 am
My Sister Steve is the one who is sponsoring the new guy be wise conduct propal investigation before they we use you front and back
Pst Abiodun
September 2, 2023 at 8:55 am
My dear sister please stop playing game about your relationship collecting allowance from ex is bait that will not allow you to move forward stop that and look onto Jesus Christ is only one that can help you find way to work for God it settles your perfectly,in nutshell give your life to Christ is the best friend God Bless you more and more, Congratulations in advance if you listen to deligently Cheers.
Joy Thomas
September 2, 2023 at 10:12 am
The new guy that came your way is been sent by stev so that he can be relieve frm the hook, don’t just rush into another relationship yet, watch and pray cos once bitten twice shy good luck.
Annie Joe
October 4, 2023 at 8:34 pm
Hey gal! Be more wise than before! Don’t allow any man in your life anyhow! If that new guy is seriously interested in u, tell him to wait for you to get a job then he officially marries you! If he refuses your requests, let him go! He isn’t the lady born of men! NB: don’t allow him to sleep over with you before he officially marries you! It may turn out to be yet another heartbreak for you!.
Secondly, there is a possibility that this new guy has been sent to u by Steve! If not Steve’s initiative then how does he know about this new guy? Gal, be wise like a snake 🙏🙏
Kagino Dennis
November 5, 2023 at 10:36 am
Convince Steve to marry you coz you are enjoying his money.He is very fair to you