Please hide my identity. I am a young mother of two and I have been married for five years now. Things have not been all that great between my husband and I but I have managed to stay in this marriage and raise my kids regardless of all that has been going on. My husband does not treat me so well but that has not in any way impacted how I feel about him or how I act towards him. I loved him before we got married and that love has not changed, I still love him and I have remained loyal to him. We have two daughters together and they are in school. I pay their school fees every term and even though my husband works he never asks about their school fees or how I am managing to take care of them. My husband works in a private company but he does not earn much. He was laid off from his former job and since then, he has not been able to get a higher paying job. He rarely contributes to anything in the house. It is almost as if I have to beg him over and over again before he does something tangible in the house. He pays the rent but in terms of feeding, he does not do much.
He never asks me how I am buying foodstuff or anything even with the recent hike in prices of foods. I earn more than him even though the difference is not much. Before we got married, he has always frowned upon earning less than his wife but I never really took it seriously. Now that I earn more than him, I have realized how insecure he is. He feels like I am feeling too big because my salary is more than his own. I still respect him and I try not to ask him for money. He is a stingy man anyway, even if I ask him for money, he hardly gives me so it makes no difference to me. The problem I have now that is making me worried is that he asked me to submit my salary to him every month. Who does that? I came back late from work sometime last week so I didn’t finish cooking dinner in time. I was still in the kitchen cooking around 7pm when he got home. He said he would like us to talk about something important but I asked him if it could wait till I’m done cooking and he agreed. I served him food around 7:45pm and asked what he wanted to discuss with me.
That was when he told me that from the following month, I will have to send monthly income to him. I was dumbstruck. Initially I thought he was joking but I later realized that he was very serious about it. I was very furious. I asked him why he’d want me to do that but he couldn’t give me any reasonable answer. He was just beating around the bush and saying a lot of incoherent things. I simply told him that I would do no such thing. As I made to leave the room, he pulled me by my arm and gripped me firmly. He looked directly into my eyes and told me not to get on his nerves or try his patience. That was the first time he has ever held me in such a manner and I was very scared. We have not spoken since last week and I have tried to talk to him but he keeps ignoring me. He eats when I cook and he plays with the kids but he doesn’t talk to me. I am very confused.
I know that he will still come around but I am worried about sending all I earn to him. He has a track record of poor management of money so I can’t even think of giving him the money in order to make peace. Also he is always trying to be the man. Even if I try to do as he says, I will find it difficult to get money from him. He is very stingy. He doesn’t give me money for food so how will I know that he will do so when I finally do what he wants. My salary is not much but I manage to do a lot of things with it. I pay my kids school fees from my salary, I buy foodstuff, I also buy groceries and other things for the house. I do a whole lot of things with my salary and I don’t want him to stop me from doing that. I am getting tired of this marriage. Things keep getting worse as the day goes by. I don’t know what to do about this situation. I need your advice on this please.