I Was Dating My Teacher Who Is Married, Until His Wife Came And Something Terrible Happened- Lady Narrates
Joel was my class teacher in J.H.S. Crushes know no boundaries so I had a huge crush on him. He might have also seen something in me because he later expressed interest in me. I counted myself lucky. How many of us get a proposal from the people they are crushing on?
It didn’t matter to me that he was my teacher. I wanted to be with him and he wanted me too. He told me about his relationship with his ex and how they broke up. He told me, “I still think of her sometimes. I still love her but don’t worry. I’m ready to move on to be with you only. But let me ask you this. Can you handle me?” I answered confidently, “Yes! Of course, I can handle you.” I didn’t care that our relationship was wrong and inappropriate. I didn’t care that he still had feelings for his ex. He wanted me and I wanted him too. That was all that mattered to me.
The beginning of the relationship was very smooth. I enjoyed his company and I always wanted to be with him. At first, it was just innocent hugs and cheek kisses. Then things evolved into adult things. He said he didn’t want to break me but two weeks into the relationship he did it. He took it all away and left me empty. It didn’t stop there. It was just the beginning. Whenever we met, we did it. A year later, I got pregnant. I was too young. I was still in JHS. There was no way I was going to keep it when I had my parents breathing on my neck. We let it go. It broke me. I felt the weight of the guilt on my shoulders every day. I needed to talk to someone but I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it. I kept it. Safe and sound in the archives of my mind.
In my final year, when it got to the point where we had to select schools, my parents suggested that I choose only day schools. When I told my boyfriend about it, he said, “No. You deserve to be in the boarding school.” It became my job to convince my parents to allow me to go to boarding school. When they said no, I went on a hunger strike. When they gave me a reason to attend a day school, I countered it. I wouldn’t talk or eat for an entire day. I stood my ground until they agreed with me to choose a boarding school.
I gained admission to my second-choice school, Abuakwa States College. Before I went to school, Joel changed towards me. He was no longer the loving and caring man I knew. He called for my presence only when he wanted shuperu. He wouldn’t let me see him if I wanted to. I was hurt but I was head over heels in love with him so I tolerated it. When I went to school, our relationship grew from bad to worse. I used to think nothing in this world would separate us but it looked like he was forcing me to go to boarding school so that he can easily get rid of me. I kept pushing to get through to him. If I found a way to call him, he would make sure to say things that would hurt me. Sometimes he’d yell at me; “You’re not the only girl whose virginity has been broken, stop being so clingy.” There were times the impatience in his words were so loud; “If you don’t have anything to do with your time, find something profitable to do and stop calling me.”
I spent a vacation with him on one occasion. I was with him when his ex-girlfriend called. We were busy making out when the call came through. He left me hanging and answered the call. I couldn’t hear what the girl was telling him. I could only hear his voice and the things he was telling his ex-girlfriend. His voice was calm and soothing as he went on and on professing his feelings for the girl. When the call ended, he looked at me and asked “I hope you’re not upset.” I should have been upset. He knew I would be right to be upset that’s why he asked if I was upset. As stupid and naive as I was, I shook my head said no to him.
After two years in the boarding house, nothing changed between us. He was mean and disrespectful as always and I had grown tired of him. I found someone else I believed was worthy of my affections. He was my English Language teacher. Richard. I was attracted to his gentle and reserved demeanor. While trying to get Richard to notice me, I fought the urge of thinking about Joel until it got to a point that I was no longer thinking about him. By some twisted hand of fate, Richard started showing interest in me. We got close and I liked him more.
He proposed and I said yes. We dated until I completed SHS. No, it didn’t end when I completed school. We continued our relationship even after school. A month after school, I found out that I was pregnant. I called him immediately. “Richard, I am pregnant.” I knew what he was going to say so I wasn’t surprised when he said, “The timing isn’t right. Let’s get rid of this one too so we can look into what the future may bring.”
He said, ‘This one too…” because that wasn’t our first pregnancy. It was actually the second one. I look back to those wasteful days with a heart of prayer. All I ask from God is, “Please forgive me. I have sinned.” Not long after, he became very busy. He barely made time to talk to me. He gave me excuses. From all indications, he didn’t have my time. It drove me crazy. One evening I called his number and a woman answered. That was the day I found out that I didn’t know anything about the man I was so deeply in love with. I asked, ‘Who is this?” She answered, “This is the wife. You called so tell me who you are.” I never knew he was married until that moment I was on the phone with the woman.
I also found out that he was older than the age he gave me. I couldn’t have known his real age because he looked really young. I was heartbroken. I felt like ending my life just so I wouldn’t feel the pain again. I told myself, “Maybe, I’m not meant to be in a relationship. “It’s a sign. If not, why would I only attract men who are already in committed relationships?”
Richard called me a day after my conversation with his wife. He was angry; “You almost destroyed my marriage. Why did you tell my wife about us?” He cheated on his wife and lied to me but somehow, I was the one to be blamed for his actions. He said, “Let’s just end our relationship here. If you can’t keep quiet about us then we should just call it quit.” I was hurt by his deception yet I wasn’t ready to let him go. I begged him; “Please forgive me. I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t mean to tell your wife anything. Don’t leave me. You know I love you.”
He changed his mind about the breakup and we got back together. If I knew what was coming from the skies, I wouldn’t have asked him to continue staying with me. From the day I spoke to his wife, I never knew peace. His wife often called to threaten me. She rained insults on me and called me many unprintable names. One of my spiritual mothers also warned me persistently to stay away from the married man. I wanted to leave him. I thought about it every day but it was as if I was under a spell. I couldn’t leave. I didn’t have the strength to do it on my own.
I met someone who took me in and counseled me till I got all the dimensions of the problem I was in. The person prayed with me each day and by God’s intervention, I was finally able to let go of the burden that was Richard.
Joel is gone. Richard is no longer in my life but what I did in the past continues to haunt me. Anytime I remember what I did with the girl in me, I hate myself. I hate myself for rushing into relationships at such young age. I hate myself for allowing those men to take me through the dusty path of a teenage love story. I have tried to forgive myself but I’m not able to. I’m now fearful of men because I know what they are capable of.
But I want to stop. I want to stop thinking about the past and move on with what I have here. I want to forgive myself and heal. I want to be ready the next time true love comes around but I don’t know how to go about it. I need help. How do I do it? How do I forgive myself for the mistakes of the past?