My girlfriend and I met at a mutual friend’s father’s funeral. We went to help our friend say goodbye to his father and we found each other. We started talking at the funeral grounds and from the way she carried herself, I knew I wanted to get to know her more.
By then she was in her first year in nursing training college and I worked as a teacher in a secondary school. We had deep conversations about life and the world. I like the way she thinks about things, more so the way she articulates her views. We share similar world views and her values align with mine.
We spent a lot of time talking on the phone and diving more into our personal lives. We knew each other’s daily routines because of the constant flow of communication between us. We hadn’t met each other in person after the funeral but my heart grew fond of her. I didn’t say anything about my feelings to her until I was sure she felt the same way about me.
One day I couldn’t contain my feelings anymore so I gathered courage and I proposed to her. She accepted my proposal on the condition that we would abstain from shuperu until marriage. I agreed to her terms and we started dating. Things were very good between us. We started spending a lot of time together. We kissed and did other stuff but we never went all the way. I tried to convince myself that I could continue like that until we got married but I realized I wasn’t being honest with myself and with her. I had strong feelings for her and I wanted everything with her including shuperu.
So, I sat her down and explained my situation to her; “I love you very much and I intend to marry you. I know we agreed to abstain until marriage but I don’t think I can do it. I want all of you. I hope you reconsider things because it’s killing me.”
Initially, she hesitated but I applied a little bit of pressure here and there until she gave in. Imagine my surprise when I found out that she wasn’t good in bed. During our first time together she complained of severe pain in her lady parts, and her abdomen, and her waist. I didn’t understand because we did things before the action and I made sure her body was ready for what was coming. I asked her, “Is this the first time you are experiencing this kind of pain?” She said it wasn’t. I asked her again, “Have you ever sought medical help?” She said, “No it never occurred to me, but now that it has come up again, I’ll do that.”
She went to the hospital and came back with some prescriptions. She told me, “The doctor said it could be an infection so I should be fine after the medication.”
When she finished taking the drugs we got together again and she complained of the same problem. She would scream but not in a good way. She would moan in pain instead of pleasure. This made me feel bad every time I touched her so I stopped. If she visited me and she tried to initiate shuperu, I gave her an excuse and avoided her. It was frustrating because I had this pent-up energy I wanted to release but I couldn’t bring myself to do it with my girlfriend
I ended up meeting someone else. Someone who could take the pent-up energy without complaining. Someone who won’t scream out of pain but out of pleasure. I needed someone who could match me boot-for-boot. I found her and we got close.
When I proposed to her, she said yes without knowing my attachment to the other woman in my life. I dated the two of them simultaneously. One of them was the woman I loved and the other one was the woman I was using to satisfy my urge and release the pent-up energy in my waist. I wasn’t happy about what I was doing it. If only my girlfriend could enjoy what I give without complaints, I wouldn’t have gone that far. I didn’t have much choice.
She noticed I had changed towards her. My attention was divided and my efforts were half of what they used to be. She asked questions and I lied to her, but she was like a dog with a bone. She didn’t let things go until she caught me. She found out I was cheating on her and things went off hand. She cried. I apologized. I told her, “I love you but I can’t bring myself to be with you in a physical way. The way you cry out of pain gets me worried. It’s like I’m giving you pain instead of joy. I couldn’t stand it and it’s the reason I found this one.”
She also apologized for how bad things have been. I stopped seeing the other lady and we worked on our relationship. The trust was broken but I worked to restore it. We have been together for three years now and we are in a good place. She promised me that our lovemaking would improve but I am yet to see an improvement. Same pains at the same places.
As I’m writing this, the situation hasn’t changed. We get together, she cries and I feel bad. Something meant to be enjoyed has become something to be endured. Something meant for pleasure is a painful experience between us. We have both lost interest in shuperu at this point.
I don’t want to cheat on her again and I also don’t see how we can get married and not be intimate. I want to know if anyone has been in this kind of situation before. Are there remedies to manage the situation? Or it’s a lost battle. It’s always going to be like this. I really love her and she is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. What can we do to make things better in the bedroom?