I went to the mall to buy a few things and get something to eat. It was one of those days I needed some alone time. I wanted to take a break from everything and reflect on my life. I did some light shopping and headed to the food court. When I got there I sat down at one of the restaurants and ordered a plate of chips and grilled chicken.
As soon as the food arrived, I dug in and started munching away. That was when I saw her. There were many people at the restaurant I was seated but I felt her presence the moment she walked in. I watched her for a while, to make sure I don’t lose her in the crowd. Fortune smiled at me when she took a seat at a table next to mine. I watched her until she looked in my direction, and then I smiled warmly at her. She looked confused at first but she smiled back at me.
When I finished my food I realized her food had arrived and no one had joined her. I sat there scrolling through my phone and occasionally stealing glances at her. When I realized she has finished her food, I went over to her table to introduce myself. She was warm and receptive, and that made things easier.
“I’ve been watching you since you walked in,” I said to her. She didn’t seem surprised “I hate to tell you this but you were so obvious about it. I am sure everyone here has seen you watching me.” I laughed and said, “When you put it that way, it sounds creepy.” She snorted, “Those are your words, not mine.” Our banter flowed into a ceaseless conversation. By the time I left the mall, I had her number saved on my phone.
I called and texted her often. She reciprocated when she could. If she was upset about something I did, she let me know. If she wanted something from me, she asked. It made my friendship with her easy. There was nothing like mood swings, cold treatments, and leaving me to play guessing games. When I felt we had gotten to know each other enough, I expressed interest in her. She said yes. That was the beginning of the journey to where we are now.
My girlfriend works in a reputable institution where she earns good money but that doesn’t stop me from helping her out financially. When we started dating I sent her a monthly allowance of GHC300. Sometimes when my business does well in a particular month, I sent her GHC500 or even GHC700. I buy her airtime almost every day. After all these, if she needs money for something urgent, she will ask me and I help her out.
I am not complaining about doing these things for her, far from it. My problem now is her behaviour when I am not able to do any of these things for her. She ends up acting up and behaving like I owe her. It makes me wonder if she is with me because of love or because of the benefits she gets from me.
A few months ago, she broke her phone. It was an iPhone 8. She told me, “Now that my phone is spoilt you have to buy me a new phone. I don’t want the same model I was using. I want an iPhone XR.” Things have been very slow for me on the business front and I wasn’t in the position to buy her a phone worth GHC3000. I explained my financial situation to her, “I wish I could get you the phone you want but I cannot afford it right now. Why don’t you let me buy you a nice Samsung phone for the time being?”
My girlfriend shook her head and said, “No, I will not use an android phone. I would rather use a yam phone (analogue phone) than use an android. So I went ahead and bought her the “yam” phone. I told her to use it till I could afford to buy her an iPhone XR. She seemed disappointed but she accepted it.
I used the next few weeks to raise some money at the expense of my business and bought her an iPhone X. I knew it wasn’t what she wanted but it was the best I could do. When I gave the phone to her, she took a look at it and frowned; “This phone is too small for me. I specifically told you I want an iPhone XR, please return this small phone and get me what I asked you for.”
It was a day to her birthday and I had planned to surprise her with a cake and dinner at a fancy restaurant. I didn’t have time to return the phone she rejected. Moreover, I didn’t have money to top up and get her the phone she asked for. So I planned to hold on to the phone until I raise enough money to swap it for an iPhone XR.
On her birthday I showed up at her house with the cake I ordered with her name on it. I added a beautiful piece of fabric she could sew a dress with. She took the gifts and didn’t seem impressed. She asked me, “What about the phone?” I explained why it wasn’t ready. She heard my explanation alright but she didn’t seem to accept it.
The entire time we were at dinner, she was moody. She spoke to me rudely throughout the night. She tried to pick fights with me at the slightest chance but I did my best to ward off her attempts. At a point, I asked her, “Why am I more invested in you having a happy birthday than you are?” She replied “The only thing that would have made me happy on this day is an iPhone XR. I don’t care about the cake and the fabric, and this dinner. You shouldn’t have gone through the trouble.”
I apologized and told her I’d get her the phone in due time.
When we got home from dinner she was still angry. We spent the night together but her mood was stuck in angry mode. When I tried to touch her, she swatted my hand away like it was a pesky little fly. I left her alone. Just before the morning arrived, I tried again. She screamed at me, “Why are disturbing my sleep? Leave me alone!”
I apologized and left her alone. It’s been two weeks since that time and she has fought with me at the least chance. She has threatened to leave me on several occasions. My business is not doing well so I couldn’t send her the monthly allowance. I explained things to her, thinking she would be concerned about the decline of my business. She didn’t care. She was bent on picking a fight with me at all costs.
As we speak now, she has given me an ultimatum; “Buy me the phone I asked for and send me my monthly allowance or else I’ll I can’t continue with you. I don’t like a man who doesn’t keep his promises.”
I love her and I’m willing to go out of my way to save the relationship but I don’t feel this is a relationship worth saving. All I do is give and all she does is receive. In our seven months together she has never done anything for me or bought me any gift.
I don’t feel loved but I give her all the love I have. I have decided that if all I mean to her is money and gifts then I will let her go. Something in me also tells me that if I stick with her and advise her often, she would see things my way and change. Do you think that’s a good idea? That she’s going to change if I give her enough time? We are only seven months old.