The first time I saw James, I felt my heart stop for a second. He was devilishly handsome and had this confidence around him that made him look like some kind of prince. When he said hello to me, I swooned. He introduced himself and asked to be my friend. “I am Yaa,” I said “Pleased to make your acquaintance.” I had gone to town to run some errands so I didn’t have time to stand around and chat. We exchanged contacts and kept in touch.
I didn’t get to know him very well before he proposed to me. He looked nice, and I liked him so I didn’t drag it out. I accepted the proposal with the thought that we would learn more about each other as we go along. I heard tales of relationships being the sweetest at the earliest stages so I expected James and I to be cosy and charming when we started dating. It turned out that I was in for a rude awakening.
We were having a conversation about something that wasn’t even important. I don’t remember what it was about but I remember it was a heated argument. I took a stand on the topic and he also took an opposing stand. We were just going back and forth not knowing this guy has taken things to heart. He called me stupid for my line of reasoning. He didn’t say my ideas were stupid, that wouldn’t have hurt as much as, “You are stupid for thinking like that. Aren’t you in school?”
When I tried to tell him his words were hurtful, he told me “I’m a very blunt person. I couldn’t help but say it as it is.” I didn’t want to believe that he tried to hurt me on purpose. I made excuses for him and forgave him even though he didn’t ask for forgiveness.
All our subsequent interactions were riddled with abusive words. I cried a lot because he treated me as if my feelings didn’t matter. When I complained he said it was because we weren’t having shuperu as people in love. “I don’t consider myself to be in a relationship with someone if we are not having shuperu. What’s the point of the relationship then?” That’s what he said.
I was a green leaf. I didn’t know how to go about that but because of the love I had for him, I allowed him to do to me what pleases him. I thought once he was getting satisfied his attitude would change. This guy would finish shuperu with me one minute and insult me the next minute. All I did was cry and feel sad. One day I woke up and decided that my life was better off without him so I ended the relationship. He didn’t see it coming. He thought I was so weak to stand on my feet against him. Or maybe he thought because he broke me, I couldn’t walk away. I looked him in the face while walking out of his life.
About a week after the break up I found out that I was pregnant.
Immediately after I found out about the pregnancy, I called him; “I just found out that I am pregnant. I haven’t decided what to do about it yet but I’m letting you know.” He responded, “You broke up with me but I suggest you keep the baby. I will support you the best way that I can.” I gave it a lot of thought and decided to keep it even though I was in school.
I started making changes in my diet and life to accommodate the new phase of my life. Whenever I called James for support, he would be busy with work. If I asked him for financial assistance, he would tell me my timing was wrong or; “I am expecting some money in a few days. I’ll send you something when it arrives.” He wouldn’t send any money and he would avoid my calls. I just had to accept that I was doing it alone and leave him out of it.
I stopped contacting him. I decided to carry the burden all alone and see what would be reserved for me at the end of the tunnel. I did my best. I did whatever was in the books. I can say I even went the extra mile to safeguard the safety of the baby and my own safety but unfortunately, I couldn’t carry the pregnancy to full term. I lost it along the way.
When I lost the baby, I didn’t tell him anything about it. I was hurt and depressed but I was waiting for his call. I was carrying his baby so I was thinking he might call me along the line and ask me, “How are you and the baby?” Throughout my grieving process, James didn’t call me once to see if everything was alright with the pregnancy. I felt he didn’t care so there was no point in telling him the baby was no more. I kept the news in my heart and decided to move on wherever the wind may carry me.
When he finally reached out to me to check up on me, I didn’t tell him anything about the death of the baby. I made him believe that I have given birth and the baby was doing well. This time, my intention was to get him to pay all the costs I incurred during the pregnancy. He sent me money for child support two months in a row. I intended to carry on with the act till I get enough money out of him but he has stopped sending the child support.
He calls me frequently and speaks to me respectfully. He is doing everything to get into my heart again. Some days ago, he asked me to marry him. I turned him down but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. He is acting like the man I wanted him to be when we were together. I don’t know what changed. I don’t know what he saw and I don’t know why he wants to do right this time. It confuses me when I think about it.
I can see through his actions that new love is birthed in his heart for me. He is pestering me to take him to meet my parents. He’s doing all that thinking we have a child together but he hasn’t bothered to even come around and check how his supposed baby is doing. I have no intention to oblige to his request. I don’t want anything to do with him so marriage is out of the question. I’ve seen enough to risk it this time.
What bothers me currently is whether I should tell him about the baby or I should keep quiet and keep taking money from him. I want him to pay for everything I’d lost. He can’t pay for the emotional pain but he should be able to pay for the money I lost while taking care of the baby. Should I keep it going? Should I let him off the hook? Please advise me.