A new mother who had prepared herself well for the arrival of her baby. She had planned and saved for over a year so she could stay at home with her child for a year, and also stocked up on baby necessities and food supplies to make her life easier. Despite being a single mother, she felt confident in her abilities to take care of her baby and handle her new role as a mom.
During a mommy yoga class, she met another new mother who had given birth just two weeks before her. They became friends, and the protagonist shared her preparation strategies with her. When the other mom’s baby became sick and wouldn’t stop crying, the protagonist offered to help out. She watched the baby while the other mom slept and took a shower, and also did some cleaning and laundry in the meantime.
When the other mom woke up, she apologized for sleeping for so long and for asking the protagonist to do housework. The protagonist assured her that it was no trouble and that she was used to it, having grown up as the eldest of five children.
However, the next day, the other mom sent a text message to the protagonist expressing her feelings of inadequacy. She said that seeing how put-together and organized the protagonist was made her feel like a horrible mother. Additionally, she felt like a failure because the protagonist didn’t make a big deal about helping her out.
The protagonist responded to the text by telling the other mom to take all the time she needed and didn’t apologize. A mutual friend then informed the protagonist that the other mom was upset that she didn’t apologize.
In Her Words:
I have been debating if I should even post this for days, but I feel the need to hear from people that are not involved in this situation.
I(28F) had my first child 4 months ago. My husband(34M) is deployed overseas, but we were lucky enough that he was able to attend the birth.
Since I knew I would be a single mom basically, we planned very well before starting to even try to conceive. I saved 100% of my paycheck for over a year so I could stay home until my baby is at least 1 years old. While pregnant, I filled 2 freezers with casseroles or Crockpot packs, we have a whole room filled with baby necessities bought over 2 years… Basically whatever can make my workload lighter after giving birth.
Also, as the eldest of 5 kids who was parentified to hell and back, I did not have the same fear that most new moms do.
Now to the situation: I met another mom during mommy yoga, we hit it off and became friends, she had her baby 2 weeks before me. We kept in contact via SM, but didn’t get around to meeting untill last month.
She visited me, and from the get go was surprised at how clean my house was, and how rested I was. So I told her what I told you above. Not to brag, but because she asked.
Then she invited me to her home, and when I got there she seemed on the verge of tears. Apparently her baby was sick and won’t stop crying, she also has not been sleeping well. So I offered to watch her baby while she has a nap and maybe a shower. She was very thankful. I also asked if I could pick around the house a bit, and she was very grateful for that.
I let her sleep for 5 hours; during that time I cleaned her living room, kitchen, and folded some laundry. I also took care of both babies.
When she woke up, she was very sorry for sleeping so long, and for saddling me with child care and house work, I said that it was fine, it’s nothing I’m not used to.
A day later, she sent me a long text. The gist of it is that me being so put together made her feel like a horrible mom, and that me saying that what I did for her being nothing made her feel like a total failure. She said that she wanted some space from me, because I make her feel bad about herself.
I replied with “ok, take all the time you need”, but I did not say sorry.
Then a mutual friend said that she is blasting me for not apologising after her first text. Was I really the AH?