Anytime we had a fight, Cynthia told me, “One day I’ll leave you and you’ll see I’m the only woman in this world who loves you. You’ll look for me again when every woman says no to you but you won’t find me.”
We fought often. That means she said this often. It’s the reason I can still remember it this clearly. She was my girlfriend for three years and for three years I was faithful. Not that I decided to be faithful but when we were together, every woman I proposed to said no to me.
Before I chose Cynthia as my girlfriend, there was Hannah. I loved Hannah but I didn’t love her the way I loved Cynthia. Hannah loved me so much, it showed in the way she spoke to me and acted around me. Everything she did screamed, “I want you to be your girlfriend.” I ended up choosing Cynthia while thinking of keeping Hannah on the side.
The day Cynthia said yes to me, we spent a night together. The next day, I went to Hannah to propose to her. She looked at me and laughed. She said, “You? Did you check yourself very well before coming to tell me this nonsense? I laugh with you doesn’t mean I want you as a boyfriend. Leave before I tell the world how stupid you are.”
She was so angry she was visibly shaking. I didn’t understand it. “What has come over her? Is it not the same girl who was acting in love with me every day? What changed? Why is she angry about a mere proposal?”
When I got home I looked at myself in the mirror to see if everything was right. I checked from my hair to my toe. Nothing was wrong. I was still me and that made me wonder why she acted that way towards me. Days later, I saw Hannah and she walked me by as if she didn’t know who I was. Or I was a ghost buried in a thick fog.
I had Cynthia. I loved her so losing Hannah wasn’t such a big blow. But the man in me didn’t want to stay loyal to one woman. All my dating life, I’d never kept one woman. I would have the main chick and keep at least two on the sides. Those were the girls I met in town when I went out with the guys.
I started looking for the side girls when the relationship with Cynthia was barely a month old. Every woman I proposed to said no to me. Even the old ones I used to sleep with. The ones who couldn’t live a day without me. Those I called on the phone and begged me to see them. Even those ones started running away from me. It was like all of a sudden, the universe had turned against me and was forcing me to keep one woman at a time. As time went on, I retired from seeking out other women. All the nos I was getting made me tired so I stopped.
Cynthia was dramatic but she loved me. She’ll cause drama just to let me know she loves me that much. She wanted to be everywhere with me. I wasn’t used to that clinginess so we fought. She wanted to know the places I went and the people I went with. It got to a point where she was the one choosing my friends for me. “I don’t want to see you going around with that guy. I don’t like him. He looks like a bad influence.”
Anytime she interfered in my life, I resisted so it turned into a fight. She would tell me, “One day I’ll be gone. That’s when you’ll know I’m the only woman in this world for you.”
The relationship was barely a year old when she asked me to marry her. I wanted to but I didn’t feel ready enough for marriage. She asked what I was waiting for. I gave her a lot of excuses. A year later, she came back with marriage again and I told her I wasn’t ready. She said, “Don’t let me fall for another man and marry him ooo. When I’m gone, there will be no other woman for you.”
That day I got angry. I asked her to leave and see if I wouldn’t get another woman in a minute. She laughed at me. She said, “You don’t know what you’re saying. The right time will come.”
A friend of mine came to visit me in the house. He had travelled from Kumasi just to see me. From the plans we had, he was going to spend the weekend and leave on Sunday. Cynthia called and I told her about this friend of mine who had come to visit. A few moments later, she was in the house with us. She came with her bag telling me she was also coming to spend the weekend with me. “No, you can’t. My friend is here.” “Yes, I can. Tell your friend to find somewhere else to sleep.”
I simply didn’t understand where she was going with that. I even thought she was playing until she had the audacity to tell my friend to leave the house. She was the reason I’d lost many friends. I wasn’t going to sit there and watch while she destroyed the few friendships I had left so that evening I threw her bag at her and pushed her out of my room. I nearly laid a hand on her. She was outside screaming, “I suspected it and today you’ve proven beyond every measure that you’re indeed gay. Sleep with him. The world would hear about it.”
I’d tolerated a lot from her but that night was different. I felt disrespected and ambushed. I told my friend, “She thinks I can’t do without her. It’s over. I’ll prove to her that there were many women before her and there will be many women in my life after her.”
A year after the breakup, I was alone and lonely. I saw beautiful women. I made friends with them and even had dates with them. Once I proposed to them, they acted as if my proposal was the most bizarre thing they’d heard all their lives.
One day I called Cynthia and asked her, “Let’s be honest with each other here. What have you done to me that women don’t want to see my face?” She said, “Me? Do something to you? Do you think I care that much? It’s your karma dealing with you. You didn’t believe me when I told you.”
Erica came along. I took my time with her because I wanted to prove to myself that nothing was wrong with me. Erica was in school. I tried providing for her and got her gifts each time I visited. When she needed something and she told me, I tried my best to provide for her as soon as I could. When the time came and I proposed to her, she acted shocked. She was like, “I thought you were my brother ooo. In fact, I see you as a brother. I can’t do this with you.”
Heartbreak. Tears. Loss. Those were the combination of my feelings. I didn’t want to accept my lot so I kept pushing. She got triggered and asked if I was doing that because of the things I bought for her. She stopped seeing me. She ignored my calls and blocked me on WhatsApp. I looked deep within and told myself, “This is spiritual. I of all people will go this long without a girlfriend? It’s not normal.”
So I started talking to Papas and Mamas. They prayed for me and I parted with a lot of money all in the name of direction. One pastor asked me, “So your problem is finding a woman to love, right?” I nodded. He told me, “Then you don’t have a problem. There are women in my church who are equally looking for a man. I can match you with one.”
The lady saw me and right in front of the pastor she said, “Papa, Wei diɛ me mpɛ.”
She didn’t sugarcoat it or even try to hide it. Right in front of my face. She wasn’t even my taste but I wanted to see if I still had it. If I was still able to attract a woman. She made me feel like my magnet had lost its magnetism. The pastor said, “She’s dodging her blessings. Let me call another one for you.” I shook my head. I told him to continue praying for me while I go out there looking for one myself.
For three years, nothing happened to me romantically. I stopped chasing and decided to change certain things in my life. I looked for a new job. Maybe it was coming from my workplace. When my landlord reminded me that my rent was due, I told him I wouldn’t renew. I got a new place and started moving my things. The day I removed my mattress from the bed, I saw an old black pant trapped between the wooden slats that held the mattress. The first thought that came to my head was, “How did this get here?”
I picked it up with a stick, took it out and added it to the things I was going to burn. I hadn’t seen any other woman apart from Cynthia for six years. I moved into that house with her and no other woman came into that room except her so I knew for sure that panty was hers. I burnt it to ashes before I finally packed everything and left that house.
Things changed drastically. Women started smiling at me, the kind of smile that says nothing but everything. I wasn’t sure what was happening. That weekend, I went to see Erica. When she saw me she screamed out of happiness. She said, “What happened to you? You disappeared.” I told her, “You blocked me. You stopped picking up my calls. The air around me got you angry. I had no option than to stay away.”
She apologized to me; “I’m sorry about all that. I wasn’t in a good place. Please forgive me.” I still loved her so I forgave her quickly and picked it up from where we left off. Where I proposed and she said no. Except this time she said yes.
There was something in the panty I burnt, I came to accept. How it got there was a miracle and why things started changing right when I burnt it didn’t make sense to me. I called Cynthia. I told her, “Would you be surprised if I tell you I have a girlfriend?” She laughed at me. She said, “Whose daughter? Who will like something like you?” I answered, “I saw your panty under the mattress. Things changed when I burnt it.”
Long pause. “Wait, what are you talking about? What panty are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about your panty. The black one. The one you placed beneath my mattress. Whatever that meant, I’m here to tell you I burnt it and the day I burnt it, everything changed.”
Long pause. “I didn’t leave any panty under your bed. So is that the reason you called?”
She cut the line but the pauses in her response and her reaction after hearing about the panty gave her away. She did it. It was very obvious. She must have spiritually trapped my love life in that dross. Once burnt, I was set free.
Erican and I didn’t work out. We broke up a year later. The next woman I met became my wife.
There’s power where two hearts meet. That power can be for good or bad depending on who’s involved. Cynthia used that power against me and it worked. Once I was out, I learned not to play with the hearts of others. They could use their powers against me. I’ve been faithful to my wife because there’s no other way to do it.
Did Marriages Last Longer In The Past Than Today?
I have a woman in my life and children who call me daddy. Ask about Cynthia. She’s still not married. She denied knowledge of the panty but one day she called to ask why I didn’t return it if indeed I knew it was hers. I’m not saying she’s not married because of the panty issue. It could be anything but it’s worth pointing out so you know her station in life. Whatever happened to me through her was a lesson and I took it seriously so I don’t fail again.