I’m a 22-year-old woman and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 23 years old, for about four years. Lately, we’ve been facing some problems that have been getting worse over the past six months or so. One of the biggest issues is that when we’re having a conversation, he often gets distracted by his phone and starts scrolling through Instagram or even walks away from the room. It makes me feel like he doesn’t listen to me or think I’m important.
I’ve talked to him about this many times, but it doesn’t seem to change much. As a result, he sometimes misses what I’m saying and has to ask me the same questions over and over again. Sometimes he tries to stop doing these things for a short time, but then he goes back to his old habits.
Another problem we have is that he’s not really into going out or traveling. When we do go out, he often wants to leave early or complains about being there.
I really enjoy traveling and exploring new places, so this makes me feel upset sometimes. Eventually, I stopped inviting him to go out with me and our friends because he would always come up with excuses for not going. Although we still went on trips together, I ended up doing most of the planning.
After talking about these issues for a long time without much change, I decided to break up with him a few weeks ago. Since then, we’ve had some long conversations, and he seems genuinely interested in working on these things. He has deleted all his video games because he thinks they distract him from focusing on our relationship.
He has also cut down on smoking and wants to plan some trips for us this summer. However, I remember a quote I heard a while ago that says, “you can’t make someone change.” I’m not exactly making him change, but it was when I broke up with him that he started wanting to change and improve our relationship.