I have met a lot of questionable men in my quest for love. Each one walks into my life with honey drooling down their lips only to leave me wrecked like a badly damaged car after an accident. I suppose I could say that my heart has suffered a lot of accidents on this journey of love. At a point, I wanted to just give up and become a cat lady. But then Amos walked into my life.
Amos was a sweet guy who made me wonder why on earth I ever wanted to give up on love. He was everything I had always wanted in a man. All I had to do was tell him I needed him, he would drop everything and show up by my side. I felt like his queen. And I too treated him with all the royalty he deserved. I’m not going to lie, things were blissful between us.
“Finally, my search for love has brought me the perfect man for me. I am glad I didn’t give up,” I said to myself as I basked in the joy of his love. Everything was going as smoothly as butter when he changed all of a sudden. He came up with rules for our relationship. He didn’t articulate these rules but I understood them by watching the change in his behavior.
Speaking on the phone no longer became part of our daily routine. He would rather send me text messages. Even if it was in an emergency situation, he would never call. He would leave a text regardless of how late I would see it. When I insist on a phone call. This guy would make sure that he rushes the conversation and ends the call within two minutes.
I asked him many times, “Why have you changed? Is it something I did? Tell me, so that we can resolve it.” He would just say, “Everything is fine. This is just who I am.” I wondered why he never showed me this side of himself right from the beginning. Lord knows if he did, I wouldn’t have gone ahead and fallen in love with him.
My love for him made it difficult for me to walk away when I realized the relationship wasn’t what I signed up for. So I decided to adjust to him, and soon enough I became used to the texts and occasional two-minute phone calls. “You can’t have it all,” I said to convince myself to stay with him.
One day I posted him on my WhatsApp status. A friend saw the story and replied, “I know this guy.” My friend and I spoke further and she gave me a lot of dirt on Amos. One of the things he said pointed to the fact that he had another woman in his life. After talking to my friend I asked him, “Do you know Akua? She says she knows you.” Amos denied ever knowing anyone by that name.
Shortly after this conversation, my sister took me to her church. After the service ended the pastor called me aside and said, “The Lord revealed something to me while we were praying. It’s about a guy you are dating. I will advise you to take your time and study him. He is not the man you believe he is.
“Please, can you tell me exactly what you saw in your vision? It will help if I know what he is doing wrong.” That was when he said, “Your boyfriend has four girlfriends. He doesn’t want to let any of you go, because he believes he needs all four of you in his life. So be careful.” I was shocked. Sure, he didn’t like to make phone calls but I didn’t think for a second that he was juggling me with three other women.
I went back to think about what my friend told me about him. Then, I went to search his Facebook page. He hid a lot of things about himself but forgot to hide the places he’s visited or worked. And some of those places confirmed what Akua said about him.
I called him immediately and said, “I had a dream about you and some women.” Then I asked him about those three other women that the pastor revealed to me. He didn’t even attempt to assure me that I was wrong. He just got angry and hung up. He then texted me, “I don’t appreciate you asking me all those questions. By now you should know me enough to trust me.” That was the last I heard of him. Whether we are still in a relationship or not, I have no idea.
I tried to move on so that he wouldn’t come back and find me single, but the guy who caught my attention expressed interest in my friend. And he used me to deliver his message. After my friend turned him down he asked me, “What about you? Are you single and available? I like you.” I haven’t responded to his message since then. I feel like he is only suddenly interested in me because my friend rejected him. I want to find love but I am not so sure that I should settle for someone’s second option.
I have been thinking about my dating history till this moment, and I am tired. Amos was supposed to be the one but he turned out to have four of us. Although I look like I am twenty-eight, I am currently thirty-seven. How long can I go on like this? What if I wake up one day and realize my biological clock has stopped and I still haven’t found anyone? Will it be a bad idea if I consider the guy who first showed interest in my friend? Please, I need advice. I am not in the right frame of mind right now.