I met this very nice Lady in South Africa in early 2019 during my first year of staying in Johannesburg. She is ten years younger than me but she was very intelligent. That was what drew me to her. She played hard to get at first, but I am a patient man. I found a way to win her heart. And when she finally fell in love with me, it was without inhibitions. She fell harder for me than I even did for her.
I didn’t have a place of my own so I was perching with a friend. That was where we met whenever we wanted to make love. Because of this, she started getting insecure. She said I didn’t have any roots in South Africa so it would be easier for me to just get up one day and move back to Ghana.
I tried my best to convince her that I wasn’t going anywhere but her insecurities increased. It even got worse when we found out she was pregnant with my child. She kept saying, “Mike, I don’t know any member of your family. I don’t know how to find you if you run off to Ghana and leave me to face this pregnancy alone. You don’t even have a place of your own here. So you can easily move to another city and I would be left alone.” Every time she said this I assured her, “I will never leave you by yourself while you are carrying my child, trust me.” But that was the problem. She did not know me enough to trust me.
Coincidentally, I had to travel to Ghana for a family emergency just around that time. By the time I returned to S.A., Johan got rid of the pregnancy. In her defense, she said her parents would throw her out of their house if they found out. So she did what she had to do for the situation. I was angry and disappointed but I loved her so I accepted her apology.
I want to believe that although I accepted her apology, I did not completely forgive her. I say this because I met a Ghanaian lady at my workplace right after that incident with Johan. And I was drawn to this new lady, Efe.
Efe was fair, short, and curvy. This is exactly how I like my women. I didn’t tell her that I had a girlfriend when I started wooing her. For some reason, I convinced myself that I could have both women and no one would get hurt. Indeed, the adversities of men have no end.
Just as Johan fell madly in love with me, so did Efe. Three months into our relationship, I asked her to have a baby for me. A month later, she agreed. I abstained from Shuperu with both of them for two weeks, just to get myself ready to impregnate Efe. Luckily, she conceived on our first try. However, I realized after she got pregnant that I didn’t love her as much as I loved Johan.
My solution to the problem I created for myself was that I would wait for Efe to give birth, and when the child was no longer attached to his mother, I would take him from her and then marry my South African woman.
As fate would have it, Johan also got pregnant. Two pregnancies within the same span were just too much for me to bear. Considering that Efe’s pregnancy was planned, I convinced my other woman to get rid of hers. It wasn’t easy to do but eventually, she agreed to terminate the pregnancy.
When I saved enough to rent my own space, I asked Efe to move in with me. While we were living together, I made Johan believe that I was still living with my friend. So any time she wanted to spend time with me, I would arrange with my friend and meet her at his place. My friend also played along and covered my tracks.
It was difficult to live with a woman while dating another one but I tried to make it work. Sometimes I would stay up on the phone talking to Johan late into the night. Efe got suspicious and started asking questions. I answered all of them with lies but eventually, my own lies started making me miserable. So one day I came clean. I told her I had a girlfriend before she came along. And then I asked her to give me time to break up with her.
I expected her to get angry and call me horrible names for my deception but she handled everything with grace. She was calm and understanding. She even stopped asking questions whenever Johan called. It was as if she accepted her place in my life.
After Efe had the baby, Johan found pictures of the baby on my phone. She asked me about him and I lied that the child was my nephew. Another time she saw pictures of me holding the baby. So she confronted me again, “Why are there pictures of you holding your nephew when you haven’t visited home in a long time?” I couldn’t lie to her at that moment for it to make sense. So I came clean. I told her everything except the part where I was living with Efe and my child. I even told her about my plan to take the child from his mother.
She tried to leave me but I begged her to stay. She was resolute in her decision at first but eventually, her love for me won. And she took me back. Now, my two women knew about each other but they still wanted me. I could feel both of them doing their best so I would choose them.
Because I had a son with Efe, I had to go and see her family. So we came to Ghana and I performed her knocking rites. When we returned to S.A., I started feeling pressured and torn between both women. On one side, was the South African I loved so much. And on the other hand, was the Ghanaian woman who is the mother of my child.
While I struggled, my friend had to relocate to the USA. So I could no longer lie that I was living with him. Johan tried to get me to show her where I lived but I refused. So one day, she came to my workplace and hid till I closed. Needless to say, she followed me home.
As soon as Efe and I got home that day, Johan called me and said; “Come out, I am outside.” I thought she was joking until I went out and saw her standing there. My heart almost fell out of my chest. Efe came out and saw her too. I feared they would fight but none of that happened.
Efe stood there calmly while Johan told me, “Mike, you can’t keep stringing us along. Today you must choose between us.” I tried to get out of it but she wouldn’t hear of it. So I made the immature move and told her, “I choose you.” It sounds like a movie but that’s how chaotic my life became.
After I convinced Johan to go home, I went to soothe Efe and calm her down. I expected her to leave me after I chose another woman over her but she didn’t. She continued to respect me, cook my meals, do my laundry, and take care of me the way a wife takes care of her husband. Before I knew what was happening, I was falling in love with her. She won my heart every passing day. I could see us being happy together as a family, but I was constantly reminded of Johan’s presence. Whenever she called and I couldn’t answer, she would show up at my house.
I had to move to another neighborhood to stop her from showing up at my house unannounced. She tried to locate my new place but I didn’t show her. And I was careful to make sure she didn’t follow me home again. I put all these measures in place to keep her away from Efe and the baby yet she ended up renting a house in our new neighborhood. I haven’t told her we live there but it’s just a matter of time before either Efe or I run into her.
Johan warned me that if I got Efe pregnant again, she would leave me. Well, the deed has been done. Efe is pregnant again. I couldn’t bring myself to break the news to Johan. So I decided to set her free. I believe I have wasted almost five years of her time. And although she is the one I love most, I can no longer choose her over the mother of my child and unborn child.
Efe is a good woman. She is doing everything a woman does to make her man happy. Sometimes I hear her crying at night when she thinks I am sleeping. She does not fight with me when I wrong her, but I know she is doing her best to make an impossible situation work. This is why I found a flimsy excuse to break up with Johan. I just want to find a way to make things work with my budding family.
It’s been a week since I broke up with Johan and it feels like my heart is on fire. I know she is hurting too. Sometimes I take my phone to call her but I resist the temptation. I know she will be hospitalized because of this breakup but I want to set her free.
I know I brought this situation upon myself. I know that I am the villain in the story. That’s why I’m not here looking for empathy or trying to justify my actions. If anything, I expect you to insult me. But after you finish judging me, give me some advice for my troubles. Am I making the right decision here? Should I really let go of the woman I love so I can build a family with the mother of my children? I’ve not been myself for some time now, so I’m here looking for I know I need help. Criticize me all you want but when you are done, give me some advice too.