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A 19-Year-Old Girl is Stalking Me Believing I’m the Father of Her Baby. Should I Get a Restraining Order or Take Another Paternity Test?”

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A 19-Year-Old Girl is Stalking Me Believing I'm the Father of Her Baby. Should I Get a Restraining Order or Take Another Paternity Test?"
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I had been involved in a casual relationship with a girl for approximately a year when she informed me that she was pregnant. Considering the circumstances, I requested a paternity test, and the results came back negative, indicating that I am not the biological father. However, she continues to assert that she had only been s*xually involved with me and urges me to wait until after the baby’s birth to undergo another test.

I have decided to take another paternity test, consult a lawyer, and arrange for the second test to be conducted at a different clinic, as I have concerns about the reliability of the initial test.

Furthermore, I now find myself contemplating my own emotions. Through conversations with others, I have come to realize that I may have developed feelings for her as well. I miss her presence, and simply being with her, even in mundane moments, brings me joy. Thoughts of her occupy my mind, and to be honest, I experience a fluttering sensation, as cliché as it may sound.

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Moreover, I don’t believe I would mind taking responsibility for the baby. I had initially felt happiness about the pregnancy, and whether or not I am the biological father doesn’t seem to affect my caring sentiments. While the other potential father appears indifferent, I genuinely care for both the mother and the child and desire their presence in my life. I still need to reflect further on this matter, but I am currently leaning towards embracing this path.

Someone suggested the possibility that she may not be lying, proposing that she might be further along in her pregnancy than we initially assumed. I intend to discuss this with her doctor. (End of edit, included here for visibility.)

Approximately a year ago, I began a relationship with a girl I met at a club. Our interactions primarily revolved around sexual encounters, although we occasionally spent time together without engaging in intimacy. We had a consistent pattern of having s*x, typically twice a week, with exceptions during her menstrual cycle. Up until this point, our connection had been harmonious, and we never broached the subject of pursuing a serious commitment.

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Around three months ago, she reached out to inform me that her period was late. I offered to bring her a pregnancy test, and she accepted. After work, I purchased two tests from a drugstore and went to her apartment, where she took the test. She was understandably anxious during the waiting period, and I did my best to provide comfort, which seemed to alleviate her worries to some extent. Both tests yielded positive results. She became emotional, and I, too, experienced a sense of fear, but I remained supportive. I stayed with her overnight, and we discussed the next steps, ultimately deciding to consult a doctor.

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She visited the doctor two days later, and subsequently informed me that she was three weeks pregnant. I inquired about her thoughts on options like abortion or keeping the baby, and she expressed a need for time to consider. I respected her decision and encouraged her to keep me informed, assuring her that I was available if she required any assistance.

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Around five days later, she contacted me to express her desire to proceed with the pregnancy. I acknowledged her choice and asked her to come to my apartment after work so we could discuss matters further. The conversation was awkward, particularly because she persistently attempted to initiate sexual activity, claiming to be “too horny.” I reiterated my commitment to support her and the baby if the child was indeed mine. Despite her repeated assurances that I was the father due to her exclusive involvement with me, I insisted on a paternity test for confirmation. Initially, she tried to dissuade me from getting the test, but eventually agreed to undergo one at a later, safe stage of the pregnancy.

During this time, I actively participated in the pregnancy journey, accompanying her

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to medical check-ups and providing care during her struggles with morning sickness. I even purchased items for the baby, such as clothes, diapers, and a crib. We informed the doctor of our uncertainty regarding paternity and sought guidance on the appropriate time for a paternity test, which was advised around the eighth week.

Due to various reasons, we postponed the test. She experienced severe morning sickness, and my work schedule was demanding, making it difficult to find a suitable time at the eighth-week mark. Nevertheless, I continued to support her and attended the four-month check-up together.

As her condition improved after the first trimester, we finally conducted the paternity test at 17 weeks. The results conclusively showed that I am not the biological father. She contested the outcome, claiming it must be incorrect since she had not been involved with anyone else in the two months preceding her missed period.

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However, we were informed of the test’s high accuracy. Disheartened, I drove her back to her apartment and conveyed that our involvement had come to an end due to the test results. She cried and attempted to guilt me, insisting that she knew the baby was mine. I reiterated that I had made a commitment to care for them if they were biologically mine, but since they were not, I could not fulfill that role. Despite this, she continued to text and call me regarding upcoming check-ups and pregnancy-related matters. I reminded her that I had kept my promise and requested her to leave me alone.

However, two days later, she unexpectedly appeared at my apartment, pleading to have a private conversation. While I initially resisted, considering her distressed state and the commotion she caused in public, I relented and allowed her inside. I calmed her down, and she confessed that she had developed feelings for me in recent months due to my attentiveness towards her and the baby. Once again, she insisted that I was the father and suggested waiting until the baby’s birth for another paternity test.

I declined, citing the expense involved and the accuracy of the previous test. Undeterred, she maintained her belief, emphasizing that seeing the baby after birth would reveal the resemblance between us. Despite her pleas, I maintained my stance.

Overwhelmed by emotion, she broke down in tears and felt unwell, prompting me to let her stay at my place. Although she attempted to convince me to share the same bed (without engaging in s*xual activity), I chose to sleep on the couch while she occupied the bed. The following day, I drove her back to her apartment. She implored me to consider the second paternity test and even attempted to kiss me before exiting the car.

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Subsequently, there was no communication for approximately three days until she reached out, requesting my presence at her upcoming check-up. I declined and urged her to stop persisting. In response, she bombarded my phone with messages, leading me to eventually block her. The next day, she appeared at my workplace, visibly upset and engaged in a heated argument with me. My manager intervened, concerned about the commotion involving a pregnant woman and one of his employees. She accused me of refusing to fulfill my role as a father to “our” baby and abandoning them. I had to explain the situation to my boss afterward.

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Presently, I find myself uncertain about the course of action to take. While my family urges me to follow her wishes and await the baby’s birth for another test, as they were initially excited about the prospect of another grandchild/nephew/niece, my friends encourage me to pursue a restraining order. However, I am hesitant to take that route.

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I recognize that she is in a difficult position, and I was the only potential father who stepped up when she became pregnant. Given her young age, pregnancy symptoms, and the emotional turmoil she may be experiencing, I am hesitant to add further distress to her life. I genuinely want to help her, but I also feel wronged by her repeated insistence that I am the father despite the paternity test results. It has been frustrating and confusing for me.

One of my friends pointed out that my attentiveness and care for her during the pregnancy may have inadvertently led her to develop feelings for me. While I understand that perspective, it doesn’t change the fact that the paternity test proved otherwise. I never made any promises of a romantic relationship or indicated that our arrangement was anything more than friends with benefits.

At this point, I’m feeling exhausted and torn. On one hand, I want to ensure the well-being of both her and the baby, even if I am not the biological father.

I’m willing to step up and support them if she can provide evidence that the baby is indeed mine. On the other hand, I also need to consider my own emotional well-being and the impact this situation is having on my life. It’s challenging to navigate these conflicting feelings.

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