Gists
My friend made an unfunny joke that hurt me, and when I told him he wasn’t funny, he became offended
My friend and I have been friends for over a year, but recent incidents have led me to question whether he still has a place in my life. One event occurred in early April when he sent me a confusing message saying that he wanted to end our friendship. I was upset and called my best friend, but when I woke up from a nap, he sent me another message saying that it was a joke from a TV show I don’t watch. I told him that his sense of humor was cruel and he started arguing with me, saying that he was just pulling my leg and that I should have messaged him immediately if it bothered me.
Another incident involved him buying me a subscription to the self-authoring suite without my consent and telling me that I need to do it, saying that he paid money for it and that I’ll be a careless idiot forever if I don’t. This unsolicited advice was not appreciated.
The final incident may seem trivial, but it shows his lack of a functional sense of humor. He told my friend that he didn’t know me when she was supposed to deliver a food item from my hometown that he had asked for. When I called him to ask why he said that, he said it was a joke. But my friend is a complete stranger to him, and I felt it was inappropriate to joke with someone he had never met, especially when they were doing him a favor.
In retaliation for his behavior, I blocked his number as a joke for two days, but he didn’t find it funny. He accused me of being a dick and said that it was always his fault if I didn’t get his jokes. These incidents have made me question whether he has a place in my life, as his actions have been hurtful and inappropriate
According to Him:
My friend and I have known each other for a little over a year, and we’ve been getting along like white on rice until recently.
A series of incidents has led me to reevaluate whether he has a place in my life anymore, and they are:
In the first week of April, he randomly sent me this message:
“I am sorry to be doing this by text because I’m not strong enough to do it in person. I like you a lot. Knowing you has been comparable to sitting next to a random person in a roller coaster, getting to know them very well during the ride and now I feel we’re at the end of the ride. I have to step off from the ride. I’m a grown up with grown up problems. I think we should go to different rides with different people.”
Now I don’t want too much tv. I watch a handful of shows very infrequently and he knows pretty much all of what I watch. I was extremely confused and upset when I received this message, and I was stunned into silence, because I have lost a friend before after hearing something very similar. I naturally assumed that the same thing was happening. I didn’t reply to this message, I immediately called my best friend because I was emotional and having a hard time breathing.
We spoke for some time and I took a nap, and when I woke up, he had sent me a long message about how he would be busier at work due to a role change, and that it was a joke. Specifically, a bit from Rick and Morty. I have never watched this show. He knows this. I told him that his sense of humour was cruel, and he started arguing with me about how he was just “pulling my leg” and if it bothered me so much, I should have messaged him immediately instead of “letting him simmer until I thought he had suffered enough”.
I should have realised that he was joking because “Everything in his message was off the norm”.
He followed this up with a long rant about how no one in real life would say “I’m a grown up with grown up problems”, how nothing in his above message was in line with how he usually spoke, how the only reactions warranted to that message were “wtf” or “this is hilarious” and that this is akin to “a man telling his wife of 50 years that he was leaving her for a hot chick he met online”, so essentially, not something that’s likely to happen. Lol.
The rest of his rant was about how he couldn’t focus on work that day because of my lack of response and how he was really worried that I had misunderstood and I quote, “brushed off everything I said and decided to focus on and pick apart all the shit around it”.
My thoughts: You can’t say something so tone deaf and out of place, especially over text, and expect the other person to not only understand the context, but find it funny simply because you call it a joke.
2. A day after this, He bought me a subscription to the self authoring suite without asking me if I was interested, and when I brought it up, he said: “I want you to commit to this. idc if you think I’m pushing you into something cult-ish. Tell me you’ll do it. Maybe not tomorrow but take your time and do it. You’re going to be a careless idiot forever otherwise. I want to hear you say you’ll do it. I paid money for it. I could have just shut up and bought the program that didn’t allow me to send it to anyone else but I bought this one because I thought you could do it too.”
My thoughts: Unsolicited advice. I never asked for his help and for him to thrust it on me and act like he’s doing me a favour is not nice.
3. This one might seem trivial, but it kinda reinforces the idea that he doesn’t have a functional sense of humour.
I am home for a few weeks, and I bought him a specific food item from my hometown that he had asked for, and I managed to send it back with my friend (A) (25F) that was visiting me from the city I usually live in (same city 28M lives in).
‘A’ was supposed to meet 28M at the railway station and texted him just before her train arrived. ‘A’ introduced herself as my friend and said that she would be there in some time, where he was supposed to meet her. He texted back saying he didn’t know me, and that A had the wrong number.
A called me, and asked me what to do. I called 28M and asked him why he said that. He said “it was a joke ffs” and the conversation ended there. He texted my friend immediately asking “where are you getting down exactly” to which ‘A’ rightfully said “I think you have the wrong number”. He texted her an apology and they met, she gave him the item and that was it.
My thoughts: That was not a joke. More importantly, A is a complete stranger to him and she did him a courtesy by lugging his item with her all the way. How do you joke with someone you have never met about something that isn’t funny?
In retaliation, I blocked his number, as a joke for about two days. He tried texting me everywhere, until I responded on discord. When I told him it was a joke, he didn’t find it funny and says he was very upset. He said I was being a dick. I said that I was just making jokes in the same vein as him.
He said: “its never on you if you don’t get it and its always on me that you don’t? How does that work”
Which is bonkers to me.
Are the above reasons enough for me to consider take a break from this friendship? I don’t really want to explain my perspective to him each time when he refuses to listen and keeps asserting that he is the victim, that everyone he knows would have found his jokes funny.
Tldr: My friend makes unfunny “jokes” and gets offended when I’m offended by his jokes. He also walks over a lot of my boundaries and makes assumptions about what is good for me.