It all started when my friend, Agnes introduced me to a guy when I was in SHS. We talked on the phone for months and we had a good connection. One day he suggested that we meet and I agreed. I left school to meet with him at his house. That day he forced me and had his way with me. A month later I found out that I was pregnant.
I confided in Agnes about it and she advised me to get rid of it. She said, “I know a concoction that will clear everything.” I didn’t like the idea. I wanted to do it the legal way. I called the guy and told him, “It’s not enough that you forced yourself on me, you’ve gotten me pregnant too.” I thought he would meet my aggression with aggression or that he would deny responsibility for the pregnancy, but he surprised me.
He acted like he was expecting the call. The only question he asked me was, “Have you told anyone?” I said, “Yes I told Agnes.” “What would you have done if she asked you to get rid of it? Next time tell me first before you tell anyone else.” I was irritated at his insinuation that there would be a next time. He told me he would come and see me.
True to his words, he came to my school the next day bearing gifts. He said, “I don’t doubt that the pregnancy is mine. I will take full responsibility for you and the baby. For now, I think you should stop school and when the baby arrives you can go back.” I shook my head and said, “No. That is not how I planned my life. I will not keep anything. I want to get rid of it so take me to the hospital.”
He disagreed with my decision and I disagreed with his.
He begged me to change my mind but I didn’t. He called me often and begged me not to get rid of it but I stood my ground. One evening he called me, “I have thought about what you want to do and though I don’t agree with it, I will support you. We will go to the hospital to take care of it.” I was so happy when I heard him say that.
Instead of taking me to the hospital as planned, he took me to his house. When we arrived he went into begging mode. He said, “I brought you here so we can talk without interference. I love you very much and I’m willing to marry you. Keep the baby please.” He cried as he spoke. I became very confused. He said, “Call your mother and tell her. I want to hear how she will react.”
I was hesitant to do that. My mother is the reason I didn’t want to keep the baby. He urged me on until I called her. Her reaction was just as I anticipated. The next day she came to my school and yelled at me till the teachers stepped in and calmed her down. The teachers advised that I take her to the guy’s place so the issue would be resolved.
A meeting was arranged between my mom and the guy’s family. A lot of things were said at the meeting. My mother wanted me to get rid of it but the guy’s family insisted that I keep it. It turned into a huge argument. These adults argued and threw tantrums while I sat there watching them. I was the one carrying the pregnancy but I was not given a chance to have a say in the matter. In the end, it was decided that I will keep the baby.
I went to school while carrying the pregnancy. A month after I completed school, I had a beautiful girl. My baby daddy showered me with love and so much care. When our daughter turned a year and a half, he suggested that I further my education. I bought forms and I gained admission. He paid my fees and took care of me through school.
Our relationship was close to perfect until one Christmas an old friend of his returned from the UK and invited him over for a “get together” with other friends. I went to his friend’s place with him and I was happy meeting them. I ended up sitting in a corner with his friend’s wife talking about the men. In the middle of our conversation, the woman said, “But you’ve done well ooo.” I asked, “How did I do well?” She answered, “The fact that you are with someone who has other children.” I was shocked to hear that but I pretended I already know about it. I said “Oh that? We are managing.”
When we got home I asked him, “Do you have other children?” He answered, “Yes I do. We will talk more about it later.” That was the end of the discussion. I was surprised about it but I told myself, “It shouldn’t matter. He is good to me. Eventually, we’ll talk about it but for now, we are good.”
Currently, I have completed school and I’m working. He has gone for the marriage list from my family and we have started buying things off the list. The other day he came to my place and he fell asleep watching a video on his phone. I took the phone to turn the video off and a WhatsApp message came in. I opened it and it was nothing suspicious. I couldn’t resist the temptation to look at his chats. The things I found left me dumbfounded.
He is sleeping with more than twenty girls and I’m not exaggerating. I literally lost count after twenty. One of them is a prostitute. He decides who he is in the mood for and then he does it with them. I cried so loudly that he woke up. He saw me holding his phone yet the first thing he said was, “Babe is not what it looks like. Whatever you think you’ve seen is not true.” As I write this, he’s still denying the evidence on his phone while begging for forgiveness. If it’s not true then why beg for forgiveness?
I have decided to call off the marriage but I keep thinking about a prophecy I received some time back. The prophet said, “If you don’t take care, you will have children with different men before you finally get married.” For a moment, I was going to escape it but now if I leave my baby daddy, it might come to pass. Because of the weight of the prophecy, I haven’t been able to break up with him. I won’t be at peace with myself if I marry him and I don’t want a future with a community service man.
I am at a crossroads and I don’t know which path to take. Please advise a sister.