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Did I Do wrong for telling my sister she can’t visit if she’s going to make my husband uncomfortable?

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I have a close relationship with my mother and sister. They often visit and have dinner with us, and our family is affectionate with each other. However, my husband is not comfortable with physical touch for various reasons. It took a while for him to be comfortable with me touching him, and he still dislikes being touched by others.

Unfortunately, my sister doesn’t understand this and continues to hug and touch my husband during every visit, even though he visibly recoils and becomes uncomfortable. He doesn’t want to say anything to avoid causing conflict, but it’s clear that he doesn’t enjoy it. As a result, he tends to avoid spending time with us when my family is around.

 

I’ve tried talking to my sister about this multiple times, but she laughs it off and says he’ll get over it. Recently, I sent her a text message explaining how uncomfortable she makes my husband and that I didn’t want her to come over anymore if she couldn’t keep her hands to herself. She got upset and hung up on me, and my mother called me immature for making a big deal out of basic friendliness.

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Now, everyone feels terrible about the situation, and my husband thinks it’s his fault. I’m not sure if I did the right thing by speaking up, but I felt like I had to do something to protect my husband’s comfort.

 

According to Him:

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                                   Commentary 

The dynamic in this family is such that they are very affectionate with each other. For the mother and sister, physical touch is a natural and expected way to express affection and closeness. However, the husband is not used to this kind of behavior and finds it very uncomfortable. It’s possible that he has past experiences or trauma that make him averse to touch, or he simply has a different personality type that is not as touchy-feely.

Despite the husband’s discomfort, the sister doesn’t seem to take his feelings seriously. She continues to touch him even though he clearly doesn’t like it, and brushes off his discomfort as shyness. This dismissive attitude can be hurtful and invalidating, as it ignores the husband’s legitimate feelings and boundaries.

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The protagonist (the person writing the passage) is in a difficult position because she loves her family but also wants to protect her husband’s comfort. She has tried to talk to her sister about this issue multiple times, but her sister doesn’t seem to understand or care. This tension eventually reaches a breaking point when the protagonist decides to take a stand and tell her sister that her behavior is not acceptable.

However, the reaction from the sister and mother is not what the protagonist expects. Instead of apologizing or understanding the situation, they become defensive and accuse the protagonist of being overly sensitive or dirty-minded. This kind of reaction can be hurtful and make the protagonist feel like she’s in the wrong for speaking up.

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Overall, this situation highlights the importance of respecting other people’s boundaries, even if they differ from your own. Just because physical touch is a way to express love and closeness for one person doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone. It’s important to listen to and acknowledge other people’s feelings and boundaries, even if it requires adjusting your own behavior.

 

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2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. David Tunje

    August 9, 2023 at 4:09 am

    Your sister is going to mess up your marriage. Your husband is trying to put up respectable boundaries with your sister to safe guard your marriage. If the touching continues to your sister will soon sleep with your husband. Let your sister respect your marriage

  2. Patrick

    September 21, 2023 at 6:27 am

    Dear Lady allow me to say that you did the right thing. Hoping that in your vows you were asked “will you protect him, honour and forsaking all others” , if you did then go ahead and fulfill your vows for each other.
    As a matter of fact, as a couple you are to protect each other from your either relatives and Parasites in order to protect your marriage.
    Lastly every one has a different love language. So your husbands love language appears to be different from your sister’s love language.

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