My Child Paid The Price After I Did It With Another Man Without My Husband Knowing

Three years into our marriage, my husband travelled to Canada in search of greener pastures. It was a happy day for our family. Our children were very young then but I was thankful to God for paving a way for the head of our family.

I believed it was the kind of breakthrough we needed to turn our lives around. We knew that it was not going to be easy to have him live miles across the ocean but we were determined to make the marriage work. We promised each other that the distance would not kill our love or tear our family apart. When he got there we talked every day. We made video calls on WhatsApp and also FaceTimed each other. The kids also got to speak to him all the time. This made it possible for us to be a part of each other’s lives.

We tried our best but the first two years of his absence were very difficult for me. It was just me and the kids,  and they were constantly asking me, “Mummy, can we go visit daddy?” “Mummy, when is daddy coming back?” I understood that they asked these questions because they missed their father. I also missed him. I had to navigate the emotional void his absence left in the lives of the kids, and deal with my own emotional needs too. It was a lot of work but I managed to prevail, and now we have grown accustomed to his absence.

It’s been four years now since he’s been gone. In that four years I realized that it got to a point, he stopped calling us from home. He only called us when he was at work. When I called him at times I knew he would be at home, my husband wouldn’t pick up my calls. He would wait to get to work before he returns my call. It didn’t make sense to me so I asked him one day, “Why do you only call us when you are at work? The kids and I want to talk to you when you are home and relaxed.” He apologized, “I’m sorry about that but I can’t help it. The time zone makes it difficult for me to call you when I’m not at work. You know, by the time I get home I am too tired that all I can do is sleep.” I didn’t buy his explanation but I pretended to understand him.

He doesn’t go to work on Saturdays so I called him on Saturday, around the same time he calls me when he is at work. As I anticipated, he didn’t answer the call. He waited till the next time he got to work before he called me. When he called me I asked him, “If your excuse is the time zone, then why didn’t you answer my call on Saturday? What are you hiding in your home that you don’t want me to see?” Instead of telling me the truth, he got upset. I pushed him for answers but he never told me anything. My instincts kept telling me that he had another woman in his life, but I needed a way to prove it. I asked him several times but he kept denying it.

Six months after we had that conversation I told him, “I am coming for a visit with the kids, we miss you. So let’s start making arrangements.” You should see how angry he was. You would think I had slapped him or insulted him.

He lamented and said all sorts of things. I also didn’t back down. When he realized that I wasn’t intimidated by his anger, he explained; “Okay, you want the truth? Here it is. I had to marry someone here for a green card.” Whoa! “When were you going to tell me this as your wife?” I asked. He didn’t respond. I asked him again, “I know contract marriages have an expiration date, so when do you intend to divorce this person?” He didn’t give me an answer to that as well. He didn’t even seem remorseful.

I realized that his marriage was probably not a contract marriage. Why else didn’t he tell me about it? Or why couldn’t he tell the person that he has an actual wife? So that we could freely talk when he is at home. After his confession, he started withdrawing from me. His phone calls became infrequent and it took a lot of effort to get him to FaceTime the children.

That was when I realized that I had to focus on myself and my kids and forget about him. Half a year later I met a man. He is also married but his wife lives abroad. We bonded over the absence of our spouses. He was like a warm blanket on a chilly night. He made me feel safe and comfortable. And that comfort led to me letting my guard down.

We ended up doing the unthinkable. It wasn’t only once. Because our partners were not in the country, there was no fear of getting caught. So we let loose and did each other whenever we got the chance.

We weren’t even using protection. After a year and two months of our affair, I felt him withdrawing from me. I asked him, “I can feel you pulling away from me. What’s wrong?” He said it was nothing. After that, I didn’t hear from him for three weeks so I asked if all was well. He texted me back after a week, “I don’t feel right about what we are doing. So I have decided to put an end to it.” I asked him, “What’s that supposed to mean?” But he didn’t respond.

Six days after our breakup I started feeling pain around my lower abdomen, but then my period had been delayed for four days so I thought the pain was a sign of my period. I joined some friends and we went climbing the Aburi mountains on Saturday, and when I was descending I felt a sharp pain in my lower abdomen. It got worse so I couldn’t walk.

Two guys had to help me to my car. When we got to my car, the pain got worse, and I started bleeding. I was helped home. When I got to my door, the bleeding got worse and right at the entrance to my bathroom, a big clot fell out of me. I got scared so I called a doctor friend who lives close by.

When she came she asked, “Why are you getting rid of a pregnancy?” I told her I wasn’t pregnant. She said the big clot was a foetus. Oh, I cried like a baby that day. I hated myself for what happened. My friend had to help me clean up and stayed with me to console me. I did a scan after two days and there was still a clot in my uterus so I was given a drug. I was in so much pain, but the clot didn’t come out. So after four days, I had a DNC and the second clot that came out was another baby. Oh God, I nearly died that day. I felt a pain in my chest. I felt it was a punishment for my sins. I can’t get rid of the guilt and the pain I am feeling. I sent my partner-in-crime a message, telling him about what happened. He read the message but he never replied.

I feel so much pain, and the guilt I carry now is unbearable. Although my marriage is not working, things haven’t ended yet. This is what makes me believe I lost the babies as a punishment. I don’t know how to get over this loss. I have been praying for God’s forgiveness, but it’s been two months now and I don’t feel better. I really need help because I’ve caused so much harm to myself.