He’s Everything | Want In A Man But There’s This One Thing Breaking Us Apart

When Yaw proposed to me, I told him about my plans to settle down and start a family as soon as possible. I explained, “I’m over thirty years. This means I don’t have the time to waste in a pointless relationship. The longest I am willing to date someone is a year and a half. If nothing happens to give any indication of marriage, I’ll move on.” This isn’t something I said in a vacuum. Aside from my age, I’m doing well financially so I am looking forward to starting having kids. The only thing missing is a partner who will love and support me and is also ready to settle down. That’s where Yaw comes in. He is a government employee who earns a fairly good salary.

When he proposed he told me he was thirty-three years old. He said, “I am also ready to settle down and start a family. Let’s build a relationship and see how things go.” He is a very mature guy and we have a lot in common. He gets me in a way no one else does so it was easy for me to fall in love with him. He has been very kind and generous to me throughout our relationship. I am financially independent so I don’t ask him for money. That hasn’t stopped him from sending me Momo surprises.

Occasionally, he also asks me for money but I don’t mind helping him out. He is kind and polite and he respects me a great deal. He is exactly the kind of man I want to spend the rest of my life with. He doesn’t cheat or flirts with other women. He doesn’t have any awful habits that will cause trouble for us in future. If there is a misunderstanding between us, he would refrain from saying anything that would lead to an argument. He is a peaceful person and the connection between us is so pure.

I am the type of person who doesn’t go through my partner’s phone or wallet. I believe is an invasion of privacy so no matter what, I don’t snoop around. However, Yaw was just too good to be true. I felt like he could be hiding something. So six months into the relationship my curiosity got the better of me. I opened his wallet and what I found surprised me. All his ID cards indicated that he was twenty-nine years. So he lied to me about his age. I remember thinking, “So the other shoe finally dropped. I am older than my boyfriend.”

I couldn’t have suspected he wasn’t thirty-three years old. He has the body and the beard of a man in his thirties. And the maturity with which he conducts himself also made me believe he was older than I am. When I found out his real age I confronted him, “Why did you lie about your age? What do you seek to gain by lying about your age?” He said, “In my experience, most women don’t like younger guys. I wanted to be with you and I didn’t know how you would react to my age so I lied. I am sorry about that and I hope it doesn’t change anything between us.”

It changed something. It changed the perception I had about him when it comes to his age.

I wasn’t happy that he lied about his age but I forgave him. He has treated me better than any man I have ever been with. So I continued the relationship with him hoping that in him, my dream of settling down soon would be realized.

We’ve been together for over a year now and there is no indication that he is ready for marriage. Whenever I bring the subject up he tells me, “Don’t worry, we’ll get married soon. Whatever happens, I know I will come out of 2022 a married man. I am just trying to get my finances in order first.” My usual response is “How do you expect to magically be financially ready for us to get married before the year ends?”

My instinct tells me he won’t be ready because of his age. Again, his financial position at the moment won’t make it possible for us to settle down at the time he’s projecting. This is the point I have to let go but somehow he is not willing to let me go. Just as he doesn’t stress me, I also don’t stress him. I know I am a catch and I believe he is using the promise of marriage to keep me tied to him until he is ready but as to when he would be ready, I don’t know.

Currently, I am beginning to see him differently and it makes me feel like I’m putting a lot of pressure on him. He’s too young and might need a lot of years to fully prepare. Me talking about marriage and kids might sound too much for him but he’s holding on to me because he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me.

I love him. I love the peace of mind I enjoy with him but I am a woman with less time. The clock ticks and it ticks for me. I have dreams to achieve and I have timelines to have everything in place. I don’t think I can wait around for him to be ready for us to settle down. I feel his age doesn’t give him the sense of urgency I am feeling.

He has accepted my timelines because he knows that’s what would make me happy and continue to stay with him. I don’t want it like that. I want it to be something he also wants, so he wouldn’t feel like I pressured him into it. I have decided to wait until the end of the year. When the year ends and we have nothing to show for our dreams I will move on with my life. I have other plans for my life aside from marriage. Those are plans I intend to pursue if I am not married by 2022. I would be happy to go through those plans with a man by my side but if it doesn’t happen, I will go through it as a one-woman band.

I wouldn’t be happy waiting around for a man to get his life in shape before I settle down. I would want to go and pursue my other life goals instead. I know all this but I cannot silence this voice in my head that says, “He is the best you’ve ever met. Don’t make hasty decisions to leave him, else you’ll regret it.” It’s this voice that keeps me hoping and dreaming that things would turn out well. Honestly speaking, A part of me believes he is worth the wait but the pessimist in me says, “You can’t wait for a man to bring you flowers. Move on. That flower may never come. Go ahead and make your own garden so you can have all the flowers you want.”

What do you also say? His age…my age. His unpreparedness…my preparedness. His dream…my dream. Do you think it’s worth it? For a thirty-three-year-old to wait for a twenty-nine years old man to be ready for marriage before they marry? I am so confused right now. Please advice.